I was thinking about my body image a few days ago when I was walking home from the gym. Looking over the years since I’ve became aware I have a physical body, I’ve never been happy with my appearance. I’ve had and still have my moments, but I’ve never been totally content. I wrote some of the self inflicted struggles I’ve had with this in a post back in the spring called My Own Worst Enemy. I guess I should also say I am my own worst critic.
As I strolled though the neighborhood with my cane and small gym bag, I scanned my brain for reasons why I am still feeling the way I’m feeling about my body despite the fact that I have bigger fish to fry when it comes to my body and health. I outlined some reasons that started early in life in that post, and wonder if its realistic to resolve those issues as an adult. Is it something that I have to keep working at? Its obvious to me that simply telling myself “its in the past, move on” doesn’t work. I guess some people would blame the media for my feelings, but I don’t watch much TV and the only magazines I read are trade magazines and journals.
I actually look at other women in real life and envy their appearance. The thin woman who can eat what they wish – you know, simple foods like bread. Food and drink that wont show up on their waist line while I analyze everything that I put into my shopping basket and eventually put in my mouth. The naturally slender woman who only has to do gentle Yoga or token cardio for exercise while I sweat and strain at the gym and at home to keep a waistline. I try to sweep those negative, useless, thoughts out of my head only to return in no time.
Like an addict that hides their addiction from others, I haven’t told many people my true feelings. I guess its about time for me to seek real help for my addiction.
Carla,
I wish I could be as incredibly honest as you are. I had body image problems when I was younger – anorexia, bulimia, the works. It was a long journey but today I can look in the mirror and smile at what I see. I’m still not perfect, but I’ve learnt to accept my body for what it is. Let me think about how I made this journey and maybe I’ll blog about it.
Right now I just want you to know that when I read your blog, I see a beautiful person – sensitive, frank, courageous… in a world without bodies (one which we’ll all return to eventually anyway) you’d be a star. So know that and feel like a star right now!
Love and hugs,
Daphne
Daphne @ Joyful Days´s last blog ..Can You Pack Your Life Into Two Suitcases?
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I appreciate your incredible honesty. It takes a strong woman to be able to articulate how you are feeling. I know for me that I’m never really happy with how I look. I see the flaws, whereas other people don’t. Self image is very hard for me.
I love your writing, your attitude, and your commitment to your health.
Diane Fit to the Finish´s last blog ..Diets for Life
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@Daphne,
Thank you so much for opening up to me! I am so glad that you can look in the mirror and like what you see.
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It’s interesting how this is a struggle for a lot of women. I used to have serious issues with this, especially in college.
As I age I have found that I have been able to learn to appreciate my body not necessarily for the way it looks, but for what I can accomplish with it. I try to focus on how I feel while I’m doing things. I notice that when I walk I feel strong, when I work outside my whole body feels strong, when I cook I notice my biceps are great, if I notice these things it seems to lessen those critical voices in my head (or overshadow them).
This isn’t to say I don’t still hear that little voice – I do. I just think that I’m drowning it out a bit with the good thoughts. It seems like the less I am able to worry about the way I look the better I actally look (I know this seems weird). But I can never lose weight if I’m obsessing about it, when I finally stop trying is when I actually do.
I’m sure what helps is different for all women. Hopefully you find it, I’m confident you will because being honest about it is as very important step!
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@Chiot’s Run – Appreciating your body for what it can accomplish is far more healthier, I agree! I need to do that more often for myself. I do appreciate that I am physically strong and almost have a body builder’s physique – I guess that’s a start.
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Wow. I think all women should read this. I also think you’re totally not alone in this and that most women struggle with body image – yes, even the skinny ones.
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Carla
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December 11th, 2009 at 8:04 am
@Vered – It is amazing how many women struggle with this. Some of the most beautiful women I know (inside and out) have gone though this.
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Carla,
I want to jump in here, from a guy’s perspective. You are beautiful – just the way you are. Maybe this is going to sound like I’m just trying to say something nice to you – but that is not the case. Carla, you shine from your soul. Know that what I see, what I experience from you – is so filled with love and compassion. And it is beautiful to see. And what you look like, on the outside, isn’t going to change that (although I also want you to know that your outer appearance is beautiful too…so, so much so).
Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day
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Carla
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December 11th, 2009 at 8:07 am
@Lance – I always welcome a guy’s perspective, especially yours! Thank you so much, Lance! “And what you look like, on the outside, isn’t going to change that…” That is so true. The inner beauty of a person almost erases what they look like on the outside.
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I think many of us struggle with body image whether male or female. I think the thing to do is to realize who you are and what you can accomplish
Freddy@byebyebigguy´s last blog ..Could you save yourself?
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Hi Carla – You are definitely not alone – I have had body image problems for years.
But I would never have guessed that you had body image problems. You look like a model in your profile pic.
Don’t forget – some of those women who claim to be able to eat absolutely anything are often just saying that to hide an eating disorder.
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